I have been reading Barack Obama's "Dreams From My Father" over the last few days. It has captivated me so much to the point that I have read 100 pages in two days, two sittings! My roomate Danilo recommended that I pull it off my own shelf and read it (after all I bought it over a year ago, I might as well use it for something besides keeping my microwave stand leveled!).
First, I should step back for a moment to say that a lot has been on my mind lately. I would sum it all up by saying that my life post-seminary has been a complex array of utter confusion and disappointment, while every ray of hope seems to have been smashed by whatever one may call it--my inability to market my skills, or this economic super-recession that we are in. Well, I do not really intend avoid responsibility for my lack of personal progress in the almost two years since my graduation from seminary. But, I do need to say that it has not been easy for me in these 22 months since May, 2008, trying to figure out my life's direction, and then hearing the Spirit call me to "stay" on one trail and then to "pursue" another road, only to see my resume rejected time and again.
Obama has been on a road- which bore a section resemblant of the narrow and windy path that I find myself on right now. He once found himself on the verge of despair, about to give up in the world- on a road where the tires could barely keep him from plunging into the darkest of the deep. From childhood he knew that he was different and that he lived in another man's world. The burden of staying true to the people with whom he identified while at the same time trying to chart out his own future, proved difficult, and almost fatal. He lost hope briefly until a personal friend saw in him the potential to make a difference. This friend of him had to scold him for giving up on the state of affairs and conceding to the whims of the one in power. Rather, this friend pointed out to him that he had the education, position, and strength to speak out and to make a difference, regardless of what other people around him said, and regardless of the realities staring him in the face.
After finishing part one of this book (Obama's life from his familial origins to his post-collegiate years) I have come to realize that I am in a similar stage of life that he is in. In the previous two years since I have finished seminary I have had no life direction or purpose but to exist. But I thank God that he has been slowly revealing to me the proper path. Although I prefer a clear and sunny day where I can see tens of miles ahead, the day is foggy with only one third mile of visibility. Friends and roomates have granted me the grace of their listening ears, support, and motivation as I have trailed the wet, slippery slopes of this narrow and windy path.
And I almost gave up on everything this week. I auditioned for a music education program at a well acclaimed music school which happens to only be a few miles from my graduate alumnus, and has been in the back of my mind ever since before I moved to Kansas City over one half of a decade ago. One might argue that this might have been the real incentive for my personal relocation from California to Missouri.
As I write this my Pandora application on my iPhone is playing the track titled "Jesus Will Still Be There," sung by Point of Grace. I am suddenly reminded of my high school years when I went with my youth pastor and over twenty other teenagers around my age on a tour from Central California up and down the Western sea board on a two-week road trip, while visiting churches and providing them with a well choreographed choral presentation of a gospel message to their congregations. This happens to be one of the sangs that we sang.
This was and still is a very moving song for me. I wonder if it is a coincidence, or God-timing for me that my pastor at Kansas City First Hispanic Church of the Nazarene (Rev. Leonel de Leon) preached on a similar topic this last Sunday. His message was particularly that God would neither leave nor forsake the people of Israel. This was a promise from Yahweh to His people, and a reminder of his covenant with Abraham, that he would bless those who blessed His people and that He would curse those who would curse His people. He would be their God. That was the condition. That they would remember who their God is.
Where am I going with this? I am coming to a point in which I think that my lack of focus and disorientation may finally be replacing itself with a state of curiosity and trust in what God may hold in the future. This is not about me, however. And this is where the sermon ties the experience of Obama to my own experience. Neither to say that Obama necessarily put all his faith in God, nor that God's presence was the successor to the story of his troubles. Rather, it is to say that the confusion of my recent life may me brought back into focus when reapplied to realizing the launching pad from which I have come.
More on this later.
First, I should step back for a moment to say that a lot has been on my mind lately. I would sum it all up by saying that my life post-seminary has been a complex array of utter confusion and disappointment, while every ray of hope seems to have been smashed by whatever one may call it--my inability to market my skills, or this economic super-recession that we are in. Well, I do not really intend avoid responsibility for my lack of personal progress in the almost two years since my graduation from seminary. But, I do need to say that it has not been easy for me in these 22 months since May, 2008, trying to figure out my life's direction, and then hearing the Spirit call me to "stay" on one trail and then to "pursue" another road, only to see my resume rejected time and again.
Obama has been on a road- which bore a section resemblant of the narrow and windy path that I find myself on right now. He once found himself on the verge of despair, about to give up in the world- on a road where the tires could barely keep him from plunging into the darkest of the deep. From childhood he knew that he was different and that he lived in another man's world. The burden of staying true to the people with whom he identified while at the same time trying to chart out his own future, proved difficult, and almost fatal. He lost hope briefly until a personal friend saw in him the potential to make a difference. This friend of him had to scold him for giving up on the state of affairs and conceding to the whims of the one in power. Rather, this friend pointed out to him that he had the education, position, and strength to speak out and to make a difference, regardless of what other people around him said, and regardless of the realities staring him in the face.
After finishing part one of this book (Obama's life from his familial origins to his post-collegiate years) I have come to realize that I am in a similar stage of life that he is in. In the previous two years since I have finished seminary I have had no life direction or purpose but to exist. But I thank God that he has been slowly revealing to me the proper path. Although I prefer a clear and sunny day where I can see tens of miles ahead, the day is foggy with only one third mile of visibility. Friends and roomates have granted me the grace of their listening ears, support, and motivation as I have trailed the wet, slippery slopes of this narrow and windy path.
And I almost gave up on everything this week. I auditioned for a music education program at a well acclaimed music school which happens to only be a few miles from my graduate alumnus, and has been in the back of my mind ever since before I moved to Kansas City over one half of a decade ago. One might argue that this might have been the real incentive for my personal relocation from California to Missouri.
As I write this my Pandora application on my iPhone is playing the track titled "Jesus Will Still Be There," sung by Point of Grace. I am suddenly reminded of my high school years when I went with my youth pastor and over twenty other teenagers around my age on a tour from Central California up and down the Western sea board on a two-week road trip, while visiting churches and providing them with a well choreographed choral presentation of a gospel message to their congregations. This happens to be one of the sangs that we sang.
This was and still is a very moving song for me. I wonder if it is a coincidence, or God-timing for me that my pastor at Kansas City First Hispanic Church of the Nazarene (Rev. Leonel de Leon) preached on a similar topic this last Sunday. His message was particularly that God would neither leave nor forsake the people of Israel. This was a promise from Yahweh to His people, and a reminder of his covenant with Abraham, that he would bless those who blessed His people and that He would curse those who would curse His people. He would be their God. That was the condition. That they would remember who their God is.
Where am I going with this? I am coming to a point in which I think that my lack of focus and disorientation may finally be replacing itself with a state of curiosity and trust in what God may hold in the future. This is not about me, however. And this is where the sermon ties the experience of Obama to my own experience. Neither to say that Obama necessarily put all his faith in God, nor that God's presence was the successor to the story of his troubles. Rather, it is to say that the confusion of my recent life may me brought back into focus when reapplied to realizing the launching pad from which I have come.
posted by SingerTenor @ 8:57 PM
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